What do you find up a clean nose?
Fingerprints

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, ""fuck I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this! "bitch"

Actual Instruction Labels...

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: Warning keep out of children.

ON A HAIR DRYER: Do not use while sleeping.

ON A BAG OF FRITOS: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP: Directions: Use like regular soap.

ON A FROZEN DINNER: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP: Fits one head.

ON TESCO''S TIRAMISU DESERT: Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING: Product will be hot after heating.

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON: Do not iron clothes on body.

ON BOOTS CHILDRENS' COUGH MEDICINE: Do not drive car or operate machinery.

ON NYTOL: Warning: may cause drowsiness.

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS: For indoor or outdoor use only.

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR: Not to be used for the other use.

ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS: Warning: contains nuts.

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.