Canada's best places to live

MoneySense magazine sought the best places to live in Canada. What they found might surprise you.

Tim Whitehead From the April 2006 issue of MoneySense

If you play Monopoly you know that the best places to own are Boardwalk, Park Place and Pennsylvania Avenue. In real life, though, figuring out the best places to live is a far more difficult question. How do you stack up the cosmopolitan pleasures of Montreal or Toronto versus the picture-postcard charm of Chester, N.S., or the spectacular mountain scenery of Whistler, B.C.? What do you say when your father-in-law announces that he can't imagine raising kids in the place you've decided to call home, or your cousin mentions to everyone at your family reunion that his town is a lot nicer than yours?

One solution — not recommended — is to settle the matter with fists. A better plan is to impartially figure out which communities actually do have the best combination of natural advantages and economic good fortune.

That's what we set out to do. We started by pulling data for 108 communities of more than 10,000 people. We then crunched truckloads of numbers to discover the very best places to live in Canada.

Rank
1 Leamington ON
2 Guelph ON
3 Lloydminster SK
4 Grande Prairie AB
5 Kitchener ON 4
6 Cobourg ON 8
7 Hamilton ON
8 Red Deer AB
9 Calgary AB
10 Halifax NS

Free Golf

Dan, Brad and I went golfing this morning, hit a few good shot, still too many bad ones. It drizzled for the first 9 holes or so but it wasn’t bad. The course is still wet and we took our share of big fat divots, had to pick and clean the ball often. I started a little shaky on the front 9 with a 60 but had two pars on the back 9 and shaved off 10 strokes. Dan really poured it on the back nine with a low score of 44 to beat Brad by one stroke and I finished third. I have to stop golfing with people half my age; it’s not good for my ego. Maybe I’ll take John tomorrow, I can still beat him… but if I keep taking John sooner or later he’ll start beating me too. Aaaaughhgggolf!! Ooh yeah the best part… it was free!!

The Montreal trip last week was okay. Greg forgot the cable that connects the VCM to the IDS. I know that doesn’t mean much to you but it meant I was leaving the auction at 10:30 to drive to downtown Montreal and eat lunch on a patio as the pretty ladies walked by. Got out of downtown before rush hour and back to the hotel for a nap before dinner. The couriered cable wasn’t scheduled to arrive at the auction until 10:30 so we got to sleep-in on Thursday. After we showed them the new equipment and successfully installed a 2007 Navigator cluster, ADESA’s Transportation Mgr insisted on taking us to a nice Italian restaurant before leaving. We didn’t get out of Montreal till just before 3 so I didn’t get home until after nine. It’s still nice getting away from the same old routine at work. It’s even nicer working for Ford Remarketing Services; not once did an ADESA manager buy me lunch when I worked for Campbell’s.

Well that’s it. Doesn’t seem to be much interest in blogging lately. I don’t think Sam brought his laptop to provide updates along his drive. Maybe Karl will post some pics of the great deals he getting from his garage sales. Looks like tomorrow should be nicer than today probably go for a bike ride.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend. Free golf mmmmmm

What do you find up a clean nose?
Fingerprints

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, ""fuck I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this! "bitch"

Actual Instruction Labels...

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE: Warning keep out of children.

ON A HAIR DRYER: Do not use while sleeping.

ON A BAG OF FRITOS: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP: Directions: Use like regular soap.

ON A FROZEN DINNER: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP: Fits one head.

ON TESCO''S TIRAMISU DESERT: Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING: Product will be hot after heating.

ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON: Do not iron clothes on body.

ON BOOTS CHILDRENS' COUGH MEDICINE: Do not drive car or operate machinery.

ON NYTOL: Warning: may cause drowsiness.

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS: For indoor or outdoor use only.

ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR: Not to be used for the other use.

ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS: Warning: contains nuts.

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

It's ok to kiss a fool.
It's ok to let a fool kiss you.
But don't let a kiss fool you.

Where there's smoke, you'll find my sister (guess which sister) cooking dinner.

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home who answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.

Don’t hate me because I'm beautiful - hate me because your boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful!

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.

My wife ran away with my best friend. I sure miss him.

Not all men are fools...some are bachelors.

Penalty for bigamy: Two mothers-in-law.

If only women came with drop-down menus and on-line help.

Spouse: "Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single."

"There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again."

"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."

A hug is a great gift, one size fits all. It can be given for any occasion and it's easy to exchange.

Everyone needs to be loved...especially when they do not deserve it.

Love is the only thing that can be divided without being diminished.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

FACT: No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

MARRIAGE is the only WAR where you sleep with the ENEMY.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her!

Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me!

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them ever again.

A woman's rule: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

Women's breasts are like Toys: They're meant for kids, but usually it's the fathers who wind up playing with them.

Good women are like Martians, you hear a lot about them but you never actually see one.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.

Trust is like virginity. You lose it once and that's it.

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.

Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on a milk carton.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

How is marriage like a hot bath? ... Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

ARGUMENT: A discussion that occurs when she’s right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and a minute of suspicion to destroy it.

Women are like toilets - they're either taken or full of doo-doo!

An English professor wrote on the blackboard: Punctuate this sentence: 'Woman without her man is nothing'. The men wrote: 'Woman, without her man, is nothing.' All the women wrote: 'Woman! Without her, man is nothing.'

Marriage is Grand, Divorce is twenty Grand.

In my house I am king, and my law is that whatever my wife says shall be done.

Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever.

Infatuation is the state of mind which has nothing to do with the mind.

Marriage is an institution. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

The trouble with life is, by the time you can read a woman like a book, your library card has expired.

Marriage: An expensive way of getting your laundry done for free.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, pretend to talk in your sleep.

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

What's the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.

Behind every successful man stands an amazed Mother-in-Law!

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Do not marry a person you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

If Marriage is bliss , And Ignorance is bliss. Then....

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

”Marriage is the chief cause of divorce."

"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open."

"Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth".

All men are idiots...I married their king.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

... ive got nothing ...

(the title for most of my blogs)

Here I sit broken hearted paid a dime and only farted. Yesterday I took a chance saved a dime and shit my pants. It’s funny how some things stay with you …probably for the rest of my life. Imagine me in 30 years sitting in a diaper load, at an old folks home, singing to my grandkids; there once was an Indian maid who said she wasn’t afraid… Christmas time Theresa and I will sing Good King Senseless.

I’m killing time waiting for John to return from his bike ride. We’re going grocery shopping together so he can get whatever he needs before I leave on Tue.

Will also take this chance to mention the kraftfoods.com website. The crispy salsa chicken last night was excellent. Its just shake n bake chicken topped with salsa and shredded cheese but really good easy quick recipes. So far everything I’ve cooked has come out good John loves it. And where the fuck is John? I told him we were grocery shopping tonight!!

Hey does anyone have a good gift idea for mom? Danielle suggested buying her dinner at a nice restaurant, but I think mom would prefer having take-out at home. Which I still think is a really good idea. Considered getting her food gift certificates so she can treat Jean and Joan to lunch or something. I’d buy her new clothes but Theresa’s got that covered, or mom covered

I once had a girl named Polly and I thought that she loved me. So I took a trip upon a ship across the Blarney Sea. Aaaand when the morning did arrive for me to go away, she threw her arms around my neck and what do you think she said. Ooooh goodbye John don’t be long soon come back to your old chickadee. The wind doth blow, the ship doth go to take away my sailor…. send me a Guernsey paper.

Well the boy gets 15 more minutes. If he’s not back by 7 I’m shopping alone. In a previous blog I described his tuna, white bread, rice, beans and pea soup diet. I’m going to take an inventory of what were low on and then I’m outta here!!

MMMMMM!!

This is dedicated to Those Born 1930-1979!

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's , 50's, 60's and 70's !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, peanuts, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for gestational diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies wearing cloth diapers held with pins, in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because .

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING !

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us, , , , all day.

And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound , CD's or Ipods, no cell phones! , no personal computers , no Internet or chat rooms....... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We ate popcorn popped in oil, covered in butter, full fat yoghurt, puddings and milk.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.

They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned

HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them . . CONGRATULATIONS!



Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

Au revoir!

Well, I’m off to work in another great Canadian city. Next Tuesday one of the project managers and I are driving to Montreal, returning sometime Thursday. I’ve traveled to work in Montreal more than any other Canadian city and luckily for me they have some of the most beautiful woman in this country. What Anglophone man can resist that accent, oh la la!! They have what the French call a certain, I don’t know what. ADESA Montreal is also home to the best cafeteria I have ever seen at an auction. The unique French culture love their beautiful woman and great food. I really enjoy getting out of the office but John does not like it much when I go away now, no one to cook dinner or wash his dirty dishes.

Danielle is also off on a work vacation, so to speak. Her boyfriend Ryan will be working in London, England for a month and she’s flying overseas on May 14 to stay with him for a week. All she needs is cash for sightseeing and souvenirs, Ryan’s company will reimburse all her other costs. She’s phoned the last couple of nights very excited and nervous about the trip. Not only is she traveling alone but she’ll have to spend weekdays alone while Ryan is working. She’s been searching the web for sightseeing tours to occupy her days. They’ll save the really good attractions to see on their weekend together.

In Montreal I’ll be staying at a Best Western while Danielle will be staying at the Royal Horseguards Hotel in London.

Oh la la!!

To my Darling Husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip I just wanted to let you know about a small accident I had with your pick up truck when I turned into the driveway....

Fortuately not too bad and I really did not get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent, but the pick up fortunately came to a halt... when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife,
XOXOXOXO

P.S. your girlfriend called.

Yo gang


Since we’re on a work theme, it seems such a long time ago but I started working on the survey crew for CN Rail, Sep 18, 1981. It was my first real job and I was a young go-getter. That winter the biggest railway job was a grade separation around mile 17 of the Oakville Subdivision and Trafalgar Road. Later on I helped with other bridges further east at Clarkson and Mimico stations. The best thing about a job in any construction field is its very gratifying to see the end result of a project you were involved with for years later. Every time I drive under that railway bridge at the Oakville Go Station I think wow, I helped build that, very cool. Sorry I’m rambling, its 1981 I’m working outdoors freezing my ass off trying to stay warm. After providing a line with my plumb bob the grunts, standing along the length of the skeleton track, with their steel lining bar or shovel or whatever would, on the yo command, lift and move the track towards the centreline in unison. They were called the yo gang. It looked like a lot of fun. Standing there freezing waiting for my next hand signal to provide line again and being a young brown-noser, um go-getter, I grabbed a lining bar and joined the yo gang. I felt the warmth and camaraderie of being part of the team. The old European men, that worked there forever, would call me boss man. I was only employed a few months and would jokingly laugh it off, until a labour grievance was submitted regarding my participation in the yo gang. A few days later I was formally notified of my dismissal from the yo gang. From that point forward, I stood with the rest of the white hardhat wearing employees, around the welders, to stay warm.

MONDAY MORNING BLUES

You know you Ghetto when your baby look like this.

Happy belated St Patrick’s Day to the McBride’s and McGower’s.

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."


An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course, “slurs the drunk. “Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."


Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya". "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry. Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." “Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."



Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, He said, “Please Mary, put down that damn gun...”


A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

What is the difference betweena Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference betweena boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit"

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

The Masters

My favourite golf tournament of the year has always been the Masters. I heard this morning that Justin Rose won and didn’t care. Missed the end of the tournament because I drove Danielle to Appleby Road. Seems ever year they extended the length of the golf course to the point that it’s boring to watch. The weather didn’t help but the players were all just trying to shoot par and didn't aggressively fire at the flags. What a yawnfest!

What’s the next major?

How bout that weather, eh!

Do you think any other country talks as much about weather as Canadians? Since I can’t golf in this shitty weather thought I’d treat myself to a new pair of golf shoes this weekend. Yesterday I drove to Golf Town to look and so did every other anxious golfer in this city. People were lining up to try the new model Nike, Taylor Made or Calloway $500/600 drivers. Noticed they limit you to only 5 balls per club, which I’m sure is a good thing. I also noticed that last year’s Nike, Taylor Made or Calloway drivers sell for less than half the original price. It’s easy to get distracted when they’ve got so much golf stuff, but an expensive driver won’t improve my game. There’s lots of variety of everything golf to choose from but is Golf Town the best place to get a good deal? Even though the red tag special Calloway golf bag looked nice, I left without buying anything and drove to the discount golf outlet by Limerage mall. While pulling up front I remembered Sam told me this place closed a while ago, so went to Sport Check in the mall. Prices weren’t any better there and absolutely no variety. Anyway to make an ive got nothing blog longer, no new shoes or new bag, maybe I am just a miser. Karl called this morning and we talked a little about blogs so thought I would do a non-copy and paste and this is what you get.

We should be golfing already!!! Whack

Is it just me or was everyone who owns a vehicle in Hamilton driving yesterday? Every fucking where I turned it was another line up. I should be riding my bike already!!!

Income tax update, March 5 to April 2, under a month not bad. Maybe not all government employees are lazy and stupit.

New year resolution update, I was going to spend more time with my mom and Danielle, I don’t think I’ve done very well with either resolution. Oh well three more quarters left in the year to impove on that. I wonder which one would like to carry my clubs first.

MAKE THAT 181 COPY AND PASTE

This is my 200th post