The other day at work a group of guys started circulating derogatory emails about women. As soon as one was sent another would come back with a new joke attached, and so on. Eventually they turned to blonde jokes. I know this is a bit of a copout for a blog entry (and you have probably heard a few of these already) but hopefully the male readers will enjoy them anyway.
Q - What do you call 10,000 woman at the bottom of lake Ontario?
A - A good start.
Q - What are the three things every woman should know?
A - The kitchen, the bedroom and the back of my hand!
Q - What is the first thing a woman does after returning from a shelter for abused woman?
A - The dishes if she knows what's good for her.
Q - Why do women fake orgasms?
A - Cuz they think we care!
Q - How can you tell if a woman is having an orgasm?
A - Who cares!
Q - What do you say to a woman with a black eye?
A - Nothing she's already been told!
Q - What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A - You should have learned your lesson the first time!
An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids. The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"? The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7. "Why? Do you think they look alike?" "No", he replies, "I just can't believe you got laid twice"!
A woman is at the check out line in a grocery store. The guy behind her watches as she puts her items on the belt, a small loaf of bread, a quart of milk, a half dozen eggs, and a few frozen diners. The guy asks the girl; Are you single? She says, Yes I am. Could you tell that by the items I was purchasing? He says, No it's because you're fucking ugly.
Q - Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
A - They went to see "Closed for the Winter."
Q - Why did the blonde resolve to have only 3 children?
A - She heard that one out of every four children born in the world is Chinese
Q - Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall?
A - There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck on the escalators for over four hours.
A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."
A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while
covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses." "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames.
A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "That's a thermos. . . it keeps some things hot and some things cold" "Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she
bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on
her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked! "Why, that's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied. Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it? " The blond replied, "Two popsicles and some coffee".
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls". Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him thoughtfully and
finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone. The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end. "Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?" Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..." "What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband. "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger. Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says: "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He then takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." (heaving a big sigh) ".....let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.
Here's a picture of John with his posse. Rough looking group eh?
A great NY memory for John will be eating at the Seinfeld restaurant and having the waitress chase out after them because they didn't leave a big enough tip. hehehehe John claims that he left a tip the rest of his rough looking posse stiffed her.
Following are a few Central Park photos.
