Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Lifeline
Was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.
Got a call center in Pakistan.
Told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Just wanted to save this on here for posterity


Friday, February 15, 2008

FACEBOOK
(50 Years from now)




Thursday, February 14, 2008

Don't piss off your sweetie on Valentine's Day




















Tuesday, February 05, 2008

ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital wearing an oxygen mask over mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. 'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask, 'Are my testicles black?'

Very surprised and somewhat embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he might elevate his vitals from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the sheets. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and carefully takes his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around; she examines them closely and then gently replaces his gown and sheets. She reassuringly tells the man, 'Sir, there's nothing wrong with them.'

With great difficulty and pain, the man slowly reaches up and pulls off his oxygen mask. With an unusually contented smile, he says 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful! But listen to me very, very closely.'


'ARE-MY-TEST-RESULTS-BACK?'

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Matching outfit: $200

New pair of sunglasses: $100

Nike Endorsements: $10,000,000

Having a special place to hold your putter. PRICELESS !




Monday, January 28, 2008

WHY THE NEW GUY GOT FIRED AT DAIRY QUEEN