Take me out to the ball game

Pareto had a company baseball game yesterday that I had been dreading all week. The last time I played baseball was a game organized by Pine Grove trailer park that must have been close to 15 years ago. That game ended horribly when Skull hit a pop fly and buddy and I collided together trying to grab the easy out. I jumped right up after the collision but Buddy laid there for a second. I soon realized that I couldn’t breath; the wind was knocked out of me. I knelt down beside buddy trying to catch my breath and everyone ran out to make sure we were okay. That was the end of the game and the end of my baseball career, until now.

So I woke up yesterday morning to the dark clouds and hoped it meant rain, at least enough to make the condition of the ball field unplayable. Turned out to be a beautiful afternoon and the ball game wasn’t so bad either. Partially because I out hit most of the ladies (the only time I was ever happy working with da bitches) but I played defence surprisingly well too. We played a full nine innings of three pitch ball and a lot of my female team members skipped their rotations at bat, so I got a lot of at-bats. I was on base all but one time when I hit an infield pop fly. On defence I caught every ball that was hit my way. Even a hard grounder that one-hopped in to my out stretched glove, surprising me more than anyone, and was able to throw out the runner on first. This game ended much better than my last. It was the bottom of the ninth; my team was leading by two runs, one out, with runners on the corners. I was playing deep at third base because one of the opposing team’s better hitters (a man) was at bat. He smacked a low hard shot up the third base line that I was able to rush forward on and grab just before the ball hit the ground. When I caught the ball I was nicely positioned between third base and the guy that was leading off the bag, it was an easy tag for a double out. If not for the fact that I work with woman (damn their skinny arms) I’m sure my team mates would have carried me off the field in celebration. Afterwards we all went back to the VP’s house for dinner and drinks. To help select teams before the game they asked everyone to gauge their baseball skills on a scale from 1 to 5, I said I was a two. During dinner the girl that organized the baseball event complained that I purposely underestimated my abilities, probably because she was on the losing team. I guess being measured against the broads I’m more like an eight out of five. I kind of hope this becomes an annual event.

Have a great long weekend everyone!!!

Thanks Karl,

At a Senior Citizen's luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day. The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure. They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, "Do you want to go up or down?" All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat. When they finished, the man couldn't believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he'd had in years. They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river. He again asked the lady, "Up or down?" There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again. This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day. She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, "Up or down?" The woman replied, "Down." A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady "Up or down?" She replied, "Up." This really confused the gentleman so he asked, "What's the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!" She replied, "Well, yesterday I wasn't wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were fuck or drown."

Thanks Rob

I’ve decided Jason Maas is a loser. I really wanted to like the ugly son of bitch right from when his trade to Hamilton created a buzz before the Grey Cup game a few years ago. But only a loser will call the right play within the 10-yard line but can’t hit an open receiver for a 7-yard TD pass. Only a loser will rush for a first and goal but fumble the ball away. Only a loser will allow the ball to be hiked over his head while trying to call an audible. Only a loser will use a second-half timeout early in the third quarter on a 2nd and 5 to go. That last infraction was the point in the game, the point in the season, when I made up my mind… Maas is a loser.

Mornin

Well not quite morning, it’s just after 10. Guess what I was going to do today? Bike ride!! Winona Peach Festival is on this weekend. Not so much that I wanted to get peaches but it was somewhere to ride. Where lots of people gather, I love to people watch. This time I was actually going to bring my camera, but it’s raining!! Guess I’ll jump in the shower and go visit my mom. More then half the year has passed and I’m not doing so well with my New Years resolution to spend more time with her, or with Danielle. I should get on that… Today! Danielle is working this weekend and my mom is probably out with her daughters running to the bank and then No Frills, the bank then Price Choppers, the bank then Food Basics. If she’s not home when I get to Todd's house I’ll just go park at the bank.

Have a great weekend! Go Cats Go!!

MORE CUT AND PASTE

Tree Huggers

While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing?" "I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied. "You've gotta be kiddin' me." "No, would you like to give it a try?" Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree and pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, and then stripped him naked and left. Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you?" He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said: "This just ain't gonna be your day, cup cake.

Is this the room for an argument... eerrr interview?

Friday John had his first real job interview. His previous employment has been all casual work, show up and you’ve got a job type work. He’s gone as low as to work as a Carney taking apart the rides and loading them onto trucks. They paid cash. Surprised? I’ve been bugging John all summer to get a real job, a more reliable job. Most likely because university kids are heading back to school John’s job prospects seem to have improved a lot lately. He got a few calls last week for employment and got an interview with the Barn. This being his first interview I gave John some tips like, prepare a two-minute speech to answer the question tell me about yourself, or mimic the posture and gestures of the interviewer. On the drive home right after the interview John’s description of how it went made me laugh out loud. It was so funny I had him repeat the exact wording when we got home so I could type it out. It’s his first interview so he doesn’t know what to expect. John described the interview, as very intimidating, it didn’t help being he was so nervous. John guessed the interviewer to be in his early 60’s, he leaned forward in his chair and barked questions at John about school and future plans. After John told him a couple of his plans the guy answered, ahh you don’t know what you want. Then he talked about IF you get hired, he said, “If you like me I’ll probably like you. If you don’t like me, then you can go fuck yourself.” Later in the interview he asked John, “What’s that you’re holding?” John said its a copy of my References. He replied, “You know what you can do with that, you can stick that up your ass.”

John didn’t think the interview went well and it didn’t. Saturday morning the old bastard called to tell John he didn’t get the job. This Barn just started 24-7 shifts so they’re hiring full time employees for all 3 shifts. John dropped off the application earlier this summer and checked off available for full time hours but since he’s returning to school soon… John was glad when the guy said he did well in the interview and would keep his name on file for future student employment. One of my other interview-tips was arrive early. The miserable old prick started the interview with; At least you’re here early.

More Newspaper Ads!!

I think I posted the first ad previously, but enjoy anyway.

When not to hyphenate your name

Poor Thing

Going through life is hard enough, but to go through life looking like a dick with buck teeth must be horrible!

This little animal really exists! It's called a Naked Mole-Rat, from Africa .

Holidaze


Thought I should throw something on here before Theresa stops checking my blog. :o) I guess with it being summer the nice weather gets me outdoors more with less time sitting in front of a computer blogging about nothing. I thought to blog Tuesday night after my extended long weekend in Muskoka, but played Tiger Woods golf instead. I have to get my average under 78 to get on the pro tour. Anyway I’m at work right now and starting time is 8:30 so I guess I should try and get through some of the work that’s backed up while I was away… golfing…. in Muskoka.



Saw this pic on canoe last week and liked it.